Generally Speaking. . .

Weigh In: 214 even.
Just general stuff. Asking anyone for anymore ideas for helping me drop pounds faster. Just adding more exercise is kinda helping, I think. We’ll have to see. . .
Later.

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Guess Who’s Back, Back Again . . . Silver’s Back. Tell Some Friends.

Alright. So I forgot to comment on my diet “experiment” recently. It happens, where I have nothing to comment on, and therefore, I forget to tell you. To be honest, this week’s report got lost in the way that I forgot to record what my new weight was. That happens too. The sad fact, is that I just realized that I didn’t even write it down. Just in time for the new week. I believe I managed to stay even with last weigh in. No proof of this, but there you go.

This week has been composed of yours truly trying to get a job. Other than that, not too much new stuff has happened in my neck of the woods.

I suppose I’ll try to do some writing soon. I promise you. I think I’m done procrastinating. Also had a dream about my characters last night, so I think that was my sign to continue the storyline.
See you in another couple of days or so.

Later Gator!!!

Another One Bites The Dust . . .

Yes. That’s right folks. My younger cousin is officially a married woman now. Good for her and her new husband! Not withstanding all the little things that went wrong with people not getting their meals with the rest, grandfathers complaining about not getting his coffee, me coming home with a monumental bruise and a few blisters on my feet or people not getting a table to begin with; it was a wonderful weekend. We all had SOOO much fun. I’ve never seen my family dance as much as they did. I myself knew that I would be out on the dance floor for most of the night, which I was. You see, 2 hours on the dance floor is the reason I’m all bruised and battered, but it was all worth it in the long run.

I’ll admit to you now, that I’m somewhat jealous that she found someone who doesn’t drag his feet about wanting to marry the girl of his dreams. Or confuse the hell out of her about what he wants from her. Or even question that the relationship is even going to work out, considering all the shit they’ve gone through in their relationship.
I think I’ll just let you wonder what the hell I mean about that. . . It’s time I went to bed. Later.

Why, hello there . . .

Alright. This week, not too much has been happening in my neck of the woods. Just did a lot of cleaning up and thinking about my cousin and her husband-to-be. Been thinking that maybe I was a little mean to him in a past blog. But my true intention was to state that there are things that women like to change about their men, but never can. No matter how much we want to. I was stating the fact that everyone I’ve ever known (including myself) has something that they need to have just so in order to move on to another thing. That’s all. No disrespect to my future cousin-in-law meant. I’m sorry if it hurts anyone that I speak




I’ve always been a chica that thinks like a dude. Sex on the brain alot. All my thoughts tend to side with the dirty. I have to have things spelled out for me sometimes. I don’t take hints well. You know, like a dude. But my thoughts race around and almost don’t connect like any girlfriend I’ve ever had.




Okay, I’ve been reading up on my news recently, and I’m surprised at the world the way it is. When the hell did we get so closed-minded? People taking objection to what amounts to other people’s business. Who cares what people do on their free time?
I’m going to go on my soap box tonight and ask, when the hell did the constitution get written to say that religion is included in state business? A separation of church and state!!! Banning Gay marriage on the basis that the bible says that marriage should be 1 man and 1 woman is VERY closed-minded, and not letting them be happy is just BULLSHIT!!! It’s also closed-minded and immoral.
We have a saying in Wiccianism. “An if it harm none, do as ye will.” What this means, is that if someone isn’t hurting oneself or someone else, then do what the hell you want. Write spells and celebrate anyway you want. I believe that banning Gay marriage is a direct violation of this natural instinct to be happy. The so-called conservatives of today’s society are harming people’s wishes to be happy with one another, based on the fact that they happen to be gay. There’s nothing “un-natural” about being in love with a woman if you happen to me a woman, or being in love with a man if you’re a man, mostly because one cannot judge what is natural. Nature is the trees. Not the “right way of loving” or the “right way of being.” Mother Nature means for us to be happy, at all costs.
You have to wonder, if you believe in a god that causes you to be so closed-minded, can it be worth it?
No, I don’t think that a higher power would say that he would want you to be unhappy, just because you happen to love someone of the same sex. Just as an FYI, the bible was written by a bunch of mortals. A so-called higher power may have “told” those individuals to write such rubbish about homosexuality being wrong, but where’s your proof? These individuals lived so long ago. They may have been just crack-pot old fools who smoked a little too much doobage and had a “vision” while still under the influence. Who the hell knows.

What got me thinking about all the above? Well, I found a video on the Onion that pissed me off. I know half of their shit is fake, but the message was what did it. The individual being interviewed said something about how gay people are trying to get around the loophole in the same-sex marriage ban by getting a sex change. That some people think that there should be a thorough investigation to make sure the “parts are real.” It’s a funny thought to think about, but VERY closed-minded. . . I honestly don’t know if the video was real or not, but I wanted to comment on it. And there you have it. . .




The second thing that caught my eye, was the following article on CNN.
Can you believe the nerve of this guy? I mean, who does he think he is. It’s not fair to those families of soldiers that might need a mouthpiece in Washington. People like that are despicable and MAKE ME SICK!!!




Okay, some good news. My cousin is getting married on Saturday. I’M nervous for her. I can’t imagine the stress she’s been under. I do wish her the best of luck.
Also, my brother made it in from California just over 2 hours ago, after his original flight being canceled at the last minute. That’s always good news. Can’t wait to see him again. I miss him like crazy, even if I didn’t see him much before when we WERE living in the same house. But that’s another story altogether. . .

Weigh In: 214.2 lbs.
That’s a loss of 2 lbs. Yay me!!!

Anyway, I should go. I have to be up to finish all my chores before we have to head to Albany for the wedding Saturday morning. I’ll try to come back early next week to fill you in on the ceremony and such. Later Gator!!!

Yesterday in Review

Alright. Since I’m STILL awake, I guess I’ll give you a rant about yesterday. Weigh-in. Gained another 1.8 pounds. I’ll have to try to be more active and stuff like that.
Let’s see, Empty and I went to see a friend of mine (Nicole Zuraitis) playing at the Red Door in Watertown. She’s awesome, but I’ve known that since high school. She’s got an album on itunes. Download it, and you can see how she is for yourself. She does jazz.
Other than those two things (and the fact that I’m STILL wide-the-fuck-awake), that’s all that really went down in my world.
So, yeah. I’m going to go read. Just on the off chance that it’ll put me asleep. I’ve tried to listen to music and stare at this screen to make me tired, but NO GO. EPIC FAIL!!!!
Later.

http://www.nicolezuraitis.com/
P.S. Yeah, you can probably check out Nicole’s website to find her album too. Above is the link.

Support for an Ignored Breed

You hear many stories of loved ones going through all types of cancer, that we’ve almost gotten numb to it.  In all this, we forget that there are those out there that are hurting as much as those loved ones.  I commend the Livestrong Facebook page for making a mention of that today.  It’s also the caregivers of cancer patients who get lost on the forgotten list.  Honoring them is just as important as celebrating cancer survivors (or grieving those that have lost the good fight).

Yes.  I know this from experience!!! . . .






It all started with knowing Emptyeye’s grandfather for only that short time.  I know that his family still misses him to this day.  Then just under a year or so after losing his grandfather to lung cancer, Empty himself was diagnosed with a type of Lymphoma that was pushing on his heart.

The only reason we knew something was wrong, was that he had a cold that wouldn’t go away.  Not able to deal with it anymore, Empty went to the Dr’s.  He had had several x-rays taken, and the Dr. told him to go to the ER, as he had an enlarged heart (kinda like he had had several heart attacks).  Even before they really knew what was going on, we were all getting pretty scared.  I was so scared, that I left work that night to go home and asked my parents to drive me to see him.  I was such a nervous wreck that I don’t think I could have driven all the way out to Waterbury (the nearest hospital to both Empty and Myself, at the time) without causing an accident or getting into one myself.

It took a few days before the Dr’s really knew what was going on with him.  The whole time, I remember Empty bitching about having to spend his 21st birthday in the hospital. I admit, I got angry at him for doing so at the time.  Since, I’ve just assumed that he was protesting on something that was light-hearted compared to the cancer in order to bring in some distraction to both of his parents and myself.

I was just scared that I could lose him, that I might have gotten a bit freaked out.  (If you know me personally, you are now questioning the “might have gotten a bit freaked out” part)  I quit a job at Wal-mart that was good for me in order to stay by his side just in case the worst-case scenario happened and I lost him to the cancer.  The people at Wal-mart thought I was crazy, solely because they didn’t understand Empty and my promise to each other for our future.  Even at that point, the two of us were practically inseperatable.  I admit, I proposed to him after the arguement I had with one of the managers (who said that they would have understood my want to be there with Empty if we were married, and would have excused my leaving that first night) in some crazy moment when we were alone after his parents had left for the night. [since then, as you know, he’s asked me and it’s all official-like]  Being the 20-year old that I was, everything that was said to me at that point made me VERY paranoid.

The whole time Empty was going through his chemo, I mostly was remembering all of the people I knew that had had some form of cancer and passed, and started getting irrational to the form of being paranoid.  The 20-year-old me had only been exposed to TV, movies, and the passing of Empty’s grandfather, so I was afraid that if I did anything (and I mean ANYTHING at all) to upset the balance, then I would loose him too.  So I started to try to create a protective barrier of cleanliness around the two of us, and wouldn’t go see him until everything I was wearing was clean to the point of obsession.  In fact, I STILL carry waterless hand soap around with me, just because of that paranoia that I need to keep my hands clean so I don’t lose this man that I had given my heart to early on in our relationship.  There are moments (like last night before I went to bed), where I still break down thinking about that potential.

The last part of this story has to do with the fact that my grandmother is now fighting Ovarian cancer for the second time.  We had thought that she had it beaten, but apparently not.   Again, paranoia returns every time I think that I want to go visit her.  I make sure that I’m clean before I even step into her house or reach to touch her when we’re at public events (like my sister’s Confirmation this past Friday, congratulations must go out her, BTW).  I even find myself having the same reaction to my grandfather, because he’s HER caregiver, like I was one of Empty’s.  We’ve never really been on the best terms, her and I, but I don’t want to be the reason she gets sick.  Who would EVER want this for anyone, no matter who they are?

I feel like I should be using my experience with being Emptyeye’s Caregiver to help support my grandfather.  I hadn’t remembered that Caregivers sometimes get ignored when it comes to  the patient, until I read the fan page on Facebook from Livestrong.  That’s SAD, and made me remember enough to come and want to blog about it, so here I am.

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I try to joke around and make it seem like everything’s fine when it comes to this, but I’m worried that any kids that Empty and I have are just royally cancer-fucked.  I’m so scared of this happening to the next generation, that I freak out at that time of the month, even if I’m only an hour late.  Imagine me if it were to be more?  Getting stressed where my knots have knots.  Wow.  What a thought. . . The uncertainty of not knowing is bad, but what if the knowing is much worse in my eyes?

Yeah, so . . .

So I ask myself all the time now, is that cough a cold, or something more?

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On a happier note;

Happy 9th Anniversary Emptyeye hunny!!!  I’m REALLY glad that we got this far.  🙂  see?