We all need things to remember…

We all need things to remember I was just sitting here thinking of all of the times I’ve ranted and raved here about my grandmother and her insensitiveness to my feelings, and how the rest of her family thought of her actions. As always, there will always be something that I’ll say or that I’ll read that will remind me of something she said to me. For example, there was a picture posted of FB today (and if you aren’t my friend on FB, then I’ve posted the pic here for you as well) that reminded me of the best of times with that woman. It’s times like these that made me realize she wasn’t all that bad. She definatly loved us all. I’m almost sure of it. I wouldn’t be so mad at her sometimes, if I didn’t think she REALLY did love us all. The reason I would always seem to get at mad at her for one thing or other, was I was disappointed in her apparent in-ability to love all of her Kids and Grandkids at once. She definatly played her current favorites against the rest when it served her purpose. It seemed like the older we all got, the more she played us against one another. Which saddens me to this day, is the part I played in all that. Even a year or so since she passed, I’m still dumb-founded out how mad you can get at someone who you love.

Don’t get me wrong. I still love her. I was disappointed in her issues, but I still love her. It’s all the good things I remember about her that keep me sane. I remember the times she sang to me until I stopped crying (and I WAS a stubborn person, even when I was younger) when I just wouldn’t stop. I remember our times we played together while my parents went out {to keep from killing me, I’m sure… JK ;)}. All the times she told me to be strong and to hold my head up high. The times I felt more comfortable talking to her about stuff than my own parents. She could be so kind sometimes, and then so cruel in others. I’m not going to bore you with the details, actually. As they’re not important to why I’m actually bringing this all up.

I think I’ve decided recently to start forgiving her for all the shit she put me through in the years before her death. It’s time. It really is… I think I choose to carry on with the good things she taught me, and try to forget about the bad. All that hate and regret has been slowly making me nuts! I don’t want to hate her. In fact, I never STARTED out that way. I just couldn’t stop where my disappointment in her was leading me. It was clearly leading me down a path I don’t want to visit on a permanent basis…

What brought you down this line of thinking, you say? Well, besides the picture I mentioned on FB, I’ve been just doing some thinking recently about all the hate and ugliness I’ve been holding on to in my life. In the wake of the bombings in Boston, I’ve been thinking about what kind of person had to have held on to all the pain and hatred in their lives for those around them, and to take it out on SOOOO many people. People that were celebrating the good in life. The Joy of helping each other make it across a finish line to raise money for different charities.

I know I have anger issues. That’s been a “DUH!!!!” moment for those that knew me during my teenage (and before) years… I just don’t want to be controlled by my anger and disappointment anymore. I choose to try to let it go. I know I’ll be happier if I can… When people expressed their anger at the bombings in Boston, I can’t help wonder at human nature and what makes people turn all of their inner bullshit onto others. We all have our issues to deal with? Yes, yes we do. You all clearly know about mine, now…

In my effort to change who I am inside, I’ve decided to help MTI in his quest to help out the Rize Up Gaming community (http://rizeupgaming.com/) in every endeavor they undertake. Their mantra has always been “Hate Leads To Anger – Anger Leads To The Dark Side.” Believe me, I’m a testament to that statement… Rize Up Gaming has been the fore-front community when it comes to guarding against Cyber Bullying. They find it easier to not hate somebody for being different. Rather, they would prefer to celebrate it.

So, in that vein, I should tell you about their most recent “Project” if you will. They are currently hosting a Marathon for Team Ethan (http://teamethan.com/). Ethan was diagnosed with Acute lymphoblastic leukemia in February of 2010. Team Ethan centers around treatments and seemingly Random Acts of Kindness. Which is why the Rev (Rize Up Gaming’s fearless leader) felt the need to help them out. Please stop by to donate. They’ll be running the Marathon into the early parts of this week. Please go by and help out, if you can. The message is love. Forget your hate and love your family and neighbors this week. Hugs are good too. 😉

Just remember, I’m not perfect. I just know that hating someone who needs your love instead is almost counter-productive. It’s hurtful to them, and to yourself as well. ❤ you guys for listening! Now, back to your regularly-scheduled Monday! I know, I know. Groan! 😉

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